Sticks and Stones

“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” I wonder where that phrase originated. Maybe it was a self defense from a bully. While it is true that sticks and stones can break bones, it is certainly false that words can never hurt us. I think in most cases words can hurt more than sticks and stones, because often the body heals quicker and easier than our feelings. I don’t think many of us would throw stones at our spouse or beat him or her with a stick, but how often do we throw hurtful words out without a thought of the effect it will have? I think sometimes it’s because at the time we don’t really care about how it hurts our spouse—maybe we want it to hurt. Conflict is an inevitable part of relationship, but handling it with hurtful words is never a way to resolve it.  

How I treat my spouse is a reflection of what is going on in my heart. It is frightful what lies within my heart when I leave it unchecked and let it go to its own nature. It is always my choice to build up or tear down with my words. James, the brother of Jesus, addressed the power of the tongue in the book of James. He says even though it’s a small part of the body, it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. James 3: 9, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.” 

I have been entrusted with the most intimate of relationships—two becoming one—and God wants me to reflect his love to my spouse. That is huge! So I need to ask myself: how am I doing with what God has entrusted to me—the heart of my spouse? If God is using me to be his voice, speaking his love, am I communicating that in a way that would meet with his approval? I have a choice to make about my words, and the Holy Spirit stands ready and willing to enable me to overcome whatever is driving me to strike out. I have been given grace upon grace from Jesus and I can only respond by giving grace to others, especially my spouse. I want to only speak words that build up, not tear down.

“Let the words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:4 (NIV)