I heard someone speaking of marriage a couple of weeks ago and I loved what he said. It went something like this: “If it’s legal and moral, do everything you can to make your spouse happy.” To be clear, he was talking about giving of ourselves rather than material things. Gifts are great, but gifts should never take the place of giving something much more difficult—to relinquish our own desire to please ourselves for the benefit of pleasing our spouse. In other words, put your spouse first.
Are you willing to invest more to your marriage and sacrifice your own desires to please the one you love? Is there something your spouse needs from you that you can do better at providing? Maybe it’s a little dose of thoughtfulness. Maybe it’s to communicate a little better or to share your thoughts. Maybe it’s to ask what is going on in your honey’s life. Maybe it’s to show respect a little more often. Maybe it’s to stop being so critical. Maybe it’s simply to sit down and spend some face-to-face and heart-to-heart together. Maybe it’s a little more intimacy. We have goals and check-ups on every other area of our lives. Why not a check on how I’m doing as a husband or wife?
Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a devoted Elvis fan. But there is a song he used to sing that has got me crazy when I think about the words to it. You’ve heard it, it’s called “You Were Always On My Mind.” The words to the song sank in one day not too long ago—“Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should have. Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have. Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time. You were always on my mind.”
Seriously? This is a sad and ridiculous song when you realize the regret and the opportunities missed. The song goes on: “Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times. And I guess I never told you I'm so happy that you're mine. If I make you feel second best, girl, I'm sorry, I was blind. You were always on my mind.”
This is pretty extreme, and I’m sure it’s nothing like your relationship. But I know that things can and do end up in broken promises and disregarded vows for couples far too many times. It happens slowly and unintentionally. Like that frog in boiling water. It’s so important to keep your spouse front and center and not take the one you love the most for granted. And it’s so important that the one you love the most is not yourself!
Practice the art of self-giving and try to think up little things that will please your spouse. It can be a fun game you play with yourself that could become a habit for life. Thoughtfulness doesn’t need to be expensive, and it should be a way of life. How important it is for your children to see this modeled by their parents! It makes for a happy and healthy home.
Examine your attitude on a regular basis to make sure you have not begun the bad habit of being critical. This can be out loud or internal. Either way, it’s toxic and leads to discontent. You are responsible for your attitude and you can make it go either way. God is ready and willing to help on that one!
It’s a good idea to have heart-to-hearts on a regular basis and get an evaluation of how your partner is feeling about things in general. Often, just verbalizing feelings can be helpful, and it’s so important in communication. I believe we call that being assertive. Your spouse should never feel second best. You should be giving your best!
Finally, here is real inspiration for putting your honey first:
Philippians 2:3–4: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Don’t be like Elvis. It didn’t end well.
